I used to call myself as a none-of-my-f-ing-business-person. 15 years ago, if someone was picking a fight with a checker in the Safeway, I would be yelling at the dude from the three people behind the line. If a colleague is being unreasonable to the other colleague, I would be fighting back before he even would defend his stand. I believed in justice. I believed in right as right. Well, when you grow up a little bit and experience a lot more in life, you know sometimes right isn’t right any more at work. Besides, being right isn’t such an important matter in many situations. I think this my nomfbp tendency was one of the big one to deprogram. When you start learning about spirituality, healing, and quantum physics, you have to learn the concept of helping by not helping.
I grew up being taught that being kind to others is the normal thing to do. I think that’s a good value I learned and I still carry on that value. I generally care about others. I’m an empath to start with; it’s impossible to miss when people are in pain. When I first realized that I have a tendency of being a negative clearing house, I had to physically avoid the situations in which I would be drawn to do something about it. I would have to avoid when people are in definite need. I would have to cover my eyes when people were in physical pains. It wasn’t easy and looking back, my empath healing tendency was so automatic that I often had to avoid public places. It took for a good couple years with a series of training though my healing teacher. I still recognize my tendency, but it’s not so automatic and strong any more thankfully.
Helping by not helping. It sounds like oxymoron, but here is how you think of this. Each of us are here to learn lessons and clearing karma in life. That’s why we’re here on the earth plane. When someone is in a definite need of help, by providing him a help may or may not serve for the highest good for that person. What if, the hardest lesson this person needs to learn was to overcome whatever he is struggling on his own? Otherwise, he has to repeat his lessons again and again till he can clear this learning. By providing him a help, basically we’re taking away the opportunity to learn from this person. This is not to say that you should never help others. It’s more to do with let’s bring your awareness so you can be careful before you provide help.
Another look on this is that in your eyes, someone can use some help. By providing your help, this person may be able to get a better paying job or whatever the circumstances. The thing is, though, you never know if that’s the best for that person. For you, it is good, better, best. However, like I said, each person has different life lessons to learn in this life time. Your view is not always the only truth because each person has a different truth. Someone may be here to experience how the life is like to be a homeless. From your eyes, homeless is no way good life, so helping that person to be out of the street is the good thing to do. Then, this person never gets to learn or complete what he was here to learn. He somehow has to come back to learn it. I don’t know if it’s his previous karmic situation or if he was so wealthy in the previous life times, so he needed to learn the opposite end. Whatever the cases, we never know what other’s lessons are and we can never judge from our own perspectives.
How do you know if it’s good to help or not? Honestly, that’s something you have to keep learning and raising your awareness. The more you are conscious about other’s learning and lessons, the more you accept others and their circumstances as they are. I think it’s safe to think that you can look into helping if being asked. For instance, I won’t give a healing on others unless they ask for it. Even then, I also check with upstairs (the source) if it is the highest good for each of us.
I just thought of bringing up some awareness on allowing others to learn by not helping. Maybe you can think differently when you feel obligated to help in some situation. You can choose not to help in order to actually help that person. If it bothers you so much for not helping, what is it that bothers you? Maybe it’s something in you which needs to be worked on. For most of all, always help yourself first. That’s definitely the number one on the list!