It’s February and what’s in people’s mind in February could be Valentine’s Day. What’s in my mind is my birthday! But, the topic isn’t about birthday nor Valentine’s day (what the heck??). As I was assisting a weekly clairvoyant class last night and we were all working on our relationships, either having one or not having one (in my case), I thought of my journey regarding that. So, I’ll write about that. Hence, the title is What’s Happiness? What’s Abundance?
I was married once when I was much younger. I didn’t remember that part till recently but I was very happy with my ex when we started to have a relationship in Japan back then. We met in Japan, got married in Japan and stayed there for one year till we moved to the US. We were known to be getting along so well and indeed we did get along. We hardly had an argument after the six months of dating. Of course, me being me, we did fight a lot during the first six months because we were from a very different back ground, culture, language, religious background, etc. The arguments back then was all for getting to know each other and understand the differences in our perspectives as an individual human I believe.
Never thought we would split when we were in Japan, ever. We never brought our disagreements in bed and we resolved any small conflicts before night. Though, everything had changed after we moved to the US. Things were different. I was having a hard time in the completely different society. He was also changing. The big part of the reason we started to change was that we moved to his mother’s turf. I hadn’t seen him in her turf when we were in Japan, but now we moved to her turf and he was quite different person from I knew when we spent time together in Japan.
Fast forward, all other things involved, I started to lose myself. I started to lose who I was and didn’t know what I was doing any more. I became totally dependent of someone (my ex) which was a very foreign to me. I hated and disliked whom I became so much that I was despartely needing to find myself. So, we split. That was the only solution I could think of from my best knowledge at that time. If I could think of other options, I probably had done. Since then I’ve been single and with all the ups and downs of life in the foreign continent by myself, I’m still alive, smiling majority of the time.
The reason I’m sharing my such past is that I see the options and what was lost and gained with the choices I made. I can be pretty certain that if we had stayed in Japan, highly likely we were still together. That’s the first critical point in my life. What it did were these I believe. It gave me the opportunities to expand my view from just a single narrow view which was formed through Japanese culture. No matter how you could be Westernized or different, living in one society shapes you within that system. I will never say that my journey since I moved to the US has been easy, but it definitely expanded my view. Or rather it helped me to find the true self without the societal system pushing me into the box.
There is always Ying and Yang. There were things I lost, too. I did lose my ex. As many of you can resonate, no separation is easy no matter how the relationship could have been. See, I’m not like a relationship seeker, so it’s not like if one relationship is over, I would move to the next. In fact, I didn’t even think about relationships till I met my ex. That was needed for me to learn about what a love might be since I never got to learn as I grew up. As I was releasing lots of energy around my relationship last night, I remembered that he did help me learn about love which I was longing and missing in my family.
The second critical point was when I decided to move out of the environment, i.e., marriage. It wasn’t that I no longer loved my ex. I just knew that if I stayed in that environment, I could stay lost and could not find myself. I didn’t have a job, didn’t know anyone besides him, and didn’t feel too comfortable with language, either at that time. But, something in me knew that it was something I had to do in order to take care of myself. So, I did. It was scary as hell. I didn’t know what to do next or how to live. I felt like a sheep. But, you know, as I always say, we’re not alone no matter how alone we might be visibly. We always have many support from the universe. So, I’m still here. 🙂
What it gave me was to look into myself and find who I am beyond what I thought I was in Japan. When I moved out, I just wanted to get myself back to whom I knew in Japan: confident, strong, tough, funny, etc. I find myself much more than that because of the choice I made. Because of that and with all the learning I gained throughout my journey, I can have a broad understanding and compassion for people in all different background. Well, I’m not perfect, so let’s say that I have a willingness to understand any differences without judgement, I hope.
I believe this is abundance. Love is abundance and maybe one may think that being single, not having a relationship is missing love and abundance in that regard. Maybe so. Though, I have such love and compassion for people in general. Maybe I didn’t want to spend my energy to just one specific individual any more because of what I want to do for the people and the universe. I can relate to anyone pretty much as long as they are willing to relate. Besides, I get to do healing and witness how people expand a little by little. What a privilege!
I thought of writing a little about my life’s journey and my view of abundance and happiness because I believe we all have happiness and abundance in all the life’s journey we take. It’s just a matter of shifting the focus.
I wish you all to live your life with being true to yourself and trust that you always have all the support you need from the universe. -Naomi