I have no idea what exactly is the effect of the planetary energy of Sun opposite of Saturn, but I don’t feel like it’s a supportive one for me at least. I started June in very challenging way. Though, I’m here writing this post, so I must be handling ok more than I thought I was. Ever since I came up with my business name and shifting my healing business accordingly, there has been some strong interference. This week has been one of those, except much stronger than it has been. So, today I’ll write about what I think helped in the midst of this. It’s about the vibration of gratitude and forgiveness.
I’m sure you have had many times in life that no matter what you do, you just can’t shift your energy out of the bottom. You can’t put smile on your face. If you try to smile, your face gets nerve twitches. Naomi says and many others say that amusement is the key, but amusement doesn’t even come close to this thick darkness zone. Whatever the reasons you are in the dark state, the bottom line is it feels impossible to be out of it. I have to say you’re right, it probably feels it’s impossible to be out of it because that’s what the darkness tries us to be in.
In my case, I’m a little more tune into the cause behind the visible scene, so I know what’s going on. Still, this week was one of those days that knowledge and my good intended senority didn’t work. In my case, normally it starts from someone or some people who have darkenss attached to them (my prospectives) and they become a carrier of that energy. Then, they for some reason pour it over me by finding me and comig to my service. The thing is, I know it and I deal with the person; however, there is more than just a person I have to deal with.
Every night when I went to bed, the energy starts to attack. I’m battling with the energy but since I’m in the sleep mode, nothing is working efficiently. When I wake up, my entire aura has this tar like energy with a metallic tone. Even my internal body organs seems to have some energy invasion. If the energy field is that much affected, of course how I think and feel gets affected. Of course, I’m super sensitive and kinesthetic, so the pains are incredible.
Some days like this, I really wonder if I can continue doing this kind of healing work. It feels like the reward for me is so small compared to the pains and struggle. I’m not a believer of the “wounded healer”-ish concept or healer doesn’t get rewarded well sort of idea. I’m a firm believer of when you’re using your talent and gifts, you should be and you’ll be well rewarded. So, this week really made me feel just enough is enough.
When darkness hits, it’s not just the heavy energy hovering around you. Sometimes, it comes with a lot more crap than you can anticipate with. One by one, I started to have my trusted people drop some betrayal or negative bombs against me. If I’m super dooper, I probably say it out loud that it’s uncalled for. However, when I can’t get rid of this thick dark thing hovering around of me, I’m much more sensitive. All I can think of is how to protect myself. I started to feel the space around of me gets tighter and tighter. I’m a very spacious person, so feeling that I’m in some sort of a restricted protection system, I’m going to the opposite of expansion for myself. Then, I know I’m sinking in the mud.
The thing is, I know the cause. The problem is that the cause is tricky because it’s an energy which doesn’t get removed or extracted easily. So, this morning I was probably moving like a person who lives on the street, emotionless, lifeless, and void. I pulled myself to the gym, so at least I might be able to have some smile by doing Zumba. Then, sauna to help releasing whatever however small things I can remove from my energy. I wasn’t doing well at all, I wonder if a depressed brain is similar to that. I started to drive back home. It was a beautiful sunshine day, so I’m sure it helped me, too.
While driving, I started to do the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono meditation, except recently I started to change one portion of the four steps which works very differently. You can probably research it, but you say these four mantra to a person. It can be an event I’m sure. “I’m sorry.” “Please fogive me.” “I love you.” “Thank you.” I do energy clearing while I say this, but I decided to do that for every single person who has dropped a bomb against me recently including the prospective who dropped her evil spirits on me. One by one, I placed a rose representing a person, then I said “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” (this is the part I started to change for my purpose in the last couple of weeks) “I love you,” “Thank you.”
I didn’t care what it would do. I just needed every single tool I got to get rid of this stuff, so I can live my life like a normal person at least. The thing is.. it doesn’t matter if I was holding a grudge or sadness or nothing toward that person. I did it for every single one who came up in my mind. Surprinsing part as usual is that the unusual suspect gives the most reaction to my energy field. I guess as always, surface means nothing. No matter how much resistance I had when I say each mantra, I said it and worked on the energy reaction in my part. Did I get rid of this dark ill spirits stuck in my energy field? No.
However, however I must say… I started to notice that I could smile. I saw a little one who was walking like a little one. It made me smile like my normal self. I looked at a tree on the side of the road and I thought it was so beautifully green. Something even a little bit has shifted. Then, I had enough energy to drop by one coffee shop to replace my business card. I found my old flyer, probably the last one. I was grateful that they have been allowing me to put my flyers and business cards all along since I started to do this healing work. Then, I got a little more energy.
I had no appetite still but thought I had to eat something or else I probably wouldn’t eat at all with this condition. So, I dropped by at the joint I lately didn’t feel too good in there. But, I thought if I eat something gluten free with soup, it would probably help me gain strength. So, I went to just eat that. There, the soup was so gentle and nurturing, just like I thought. Then, the head chef gave me a beautiful fish dish which I didn’t order. It was so delicious. I didn’t expect any of that, but all made me feel grateful and I felt like their food and presence were helping me heal. So, all that, they made me heal well enough to be able to write a blog. I can write anything, a bitchy negative post even if I were to write, but the willingness and wanting to write… all helped me heal to have my hopes and gratitude back. I’m grateful.
Yes, long story, but it just happened, so I thought I would write as is. My teacher even told me last night to have an amusement. Sometimes, if the darkness hovering around you is too thick, you can’t even pull your amusement up. But, the thing is, darkness doesn’t like the positive vibration. The darkness lives on negatives and darkness. That’s their food. So, no matter how horrible and impossible you feel to be positive, bring in positives, which in tern, little by little kills the darkness. Dark can’t live in the positives. Forgivenss, gratitude, love, unconditional love, joy, laughter, they all vibrate in high frequency. Use them as a buffer.
Forgiveness, gratitude, and love, all included in the ho’oponopono mantra, so try it. Even if it doesn’t resolve your dark rot completely, it does shift your energy little by little. With that, have an amazing weekend! You’ll have a tons of gratitude and blessings kind of weekend! 🙂