Aloha Friday! Sun is coming out and it stopped raining in Seattle. Sun is always helpful to nurture and heal us! I participated in the regular healing clinic as a healer in my teacher’s school this morning. There was a possibility of having a new healee, but I don’t think it’s happening this afternoon. So, although I was quite off balanced with all sorts of energy hitting me, I decided to do my own stuff. I love participating in the healing clinic since I’ve been doing it ever since I took the healing program years back. Nonetheless, it’s always good to do my own stuff. So, I’ll write what I’ve been doing today and lately.
I’ve been entering the new phase in my healing work and myself. My next step is stepping into more visible space. Meaning, I’m working on making myself be in more visible spots. As I’ve been always sensitive, getting people’s attention is a little challenge for me. To tell you a little bit about my past, ever since I was a kid, I was always brought to be in the leadership role.
I was selected as a captain by the graduating seniors in the volleyball team in junior high. Not my preferred choice, so I managed myself out of it after a while. In my first job in financial company, after six months I was promoted to be an assistant branch manager. I was young, probably 20 years old. After another six months, it was obvious that they would demote the branch manager and promote me to be a branch manager. I was still 21 or 22 years old and the majority of the employees were much older than I was. I of course managed myself to get out of there and took another job in the bigger financial company.
That’s kind of the way I’d lived my life since I was kid because I probably knew that I was super sensitive and I just couldn’t put myself in the “visible” spots. Ever since I became aware of my patterns, I started to consciously change this protective part of myself.
Oh believe me! It’s not easy honestly. I’ve been a gym goer for decades and there were so many times I was told to become a group exercise instructor. I’ve attempted a couple of times but every time, I got chickened out whenever the other instructors threw competition energy at me. I’m not fond of competition energy to start with, so I was like, “forget it. It’s not worth my energy or time.” In a way, true but truly it’s easier for me not to do such role besides the energy attack.
After I quit my last corporate job and focusing on my healing work, I started to find this Zumba thing very amusing and creative. Also, it’s different from other fitness classes. People are having fun and the vibration is very different from any other exercise classes. Of course, I love moving my body since I’m kinesthetic, so I got hooked. The thing is… every time I meditate and ask for the next step for myself and my healing practice, I get “teach Zumba.” Man.. really? Sigh..
So, here I am, I’m trying. I followed what I got. I went to the training session which made me sick to the bone for one week (I just don’t think aggression is a good thing to people….), but got the certificate nevertheless. Decided to at least try and see how it goes, so made a cd with songs I would enjoy moving. Not all the songs are perfectly choreographed at this moment, but I decided that I really have to just step up. It’s been always in my mind that I want to teach in a studio or community center even though I go to the gym six days a week. I think it’s a better environment if it’s more community oriented space than a gym.
So, I just sent an email to a community center to check out how I could teach a Zumba class. AHHHHHH I just sent it! Arrrggg! No backing up from here. Well, if it’s not a fit after all, of course anything can be changed. Though, unless I try it, I would never know. So, I’m doing it.
This is a huge risk taking for me. I’m sure not so much for others. As my teacher says, “come out of hiding.” I don’t really hide honestly. I do Zumba at the gym normally up front because I’m short and I like lots of space. Well, that’s different I guess. I’m taking a class, and not teaching a class. Likewise, I’m assisting many spiritual classes at my teacher’s school, but not teaching. So, my teacher is saying, come out of hiding because I’m purposely doing it. It is a representation of how I run my energy and my life. So, by taking a risk in one part of my life affects other part of my life I’m sure.
So, risk taking doesn’t feel good if you’re taking the real risks which you are resisting and even have some fear. However, the effect of taking the risk, no matter how the outcome would be, is big, huge, ginormous! You’re pushing your limit out of your space. You’re going expansive. You’re throwing the limit which is not allowing a fully expansive soul as you are. So, if you know your pattern in life like me, or you know something you just can’t or haven’t gotten yourself to do, maybe it’s time to work way up to come out of you. I’m so positive that process of doing it will expand you. Guaranteed!
I shall let you know how this thing will go with me, but I know I’m not shrinking even if I screw up or making mistakes on this! Yesh!
With that, have a wonderful weekend! I’ll go to do Zumba now! 🙂