Happy Friday! That’s right, it’s Friday! Aloha Friday! I didn’t write a blog last week, did I? Wow… I must have been so absorbed with the new job. I took a new full time job, so all my attention and energy have been for that. I’m glad that I can write a blog tonight since that means I have some space in me. Today, I’m going to write about what I experienced this week. Hence, the topic is “Claiming Your Own Space and Leave Other’s Reaction As Theirs!”
Some of you might not know but I teach Zumba. Someone asked me if I sleep at all when I told her that I took a new job, teach Zumba and I have my healing business. Anywho, what I want to share today took place at the gym scene when I went to teach Zumba. I have a Zumba and lunch friend from the days before I became a Zumba instructor. So, she would tell me something others might not tell me. Anyway, last week, she mentioned that the instructor before my Zumba class leaves the studio so late. Basically, we have 15 minutes inbetween each class, so the transitions and preparations would go as smooth as possible. I was noticing that the instructor before my class ends the class late and leaves the room close to my class time. The friend mentioned that I should tell her to leave sooner.
Here I am, so called healer who can easily see what people might be struggling with or what people can benefit from shifting about. When it comes to my own matter, of course, it’s challenging. I don’t like conflicts. I tend to curve my way in to make things work instead of coming to the mutual point with others. You know what I mean? Well, in certain situations, when it comes to working with males in the tech field, that flips to the totally opposite ends. So, I do know my tendencies. I’m really nice, too nice to females. I get a little competitive with males.
So, of course, when my friend mentioned about the instructor not evacuating sooner, I was like, “ah.. I don’t think that matters.” Though, the fact was that every week for that specific class, I had to rush to prepare, clear the room, set up the room for my Zumba class. So, basically I’ve been curving my space to make it up for someone invading my space so to speak.
I wasn’t going to say anything this week therefore. However, my life circumstance has changed since I took the full time job. I don’t have as much “space” in my life any more. So, any extra space I was giving out to others started to push me too much. When I entered the studio this week, it was several minutes to my class time. I was like, are you kidding me? I need to check if I could hook up iphone or not today…
While I was preparing, the instructor was still slowly talking with the student from her class, not even wrapping up or anything. Then, I opened my mouth. Maybe the conversation with my friend last week brought this to the surface while it was unconsciously curving my space in my life. I said, “Hey, xyz, do you think you can end your class five minutes earlier?” I was expecting easy conversation or agreements. It turned out something totally different.
She pushed back. So, I took my stance to remind her that her class is supposed to end xyz time. I told her that I needed to prepare for my class, need to set up, clear the room as people’s energy are dumped in the room. I also mentioned that I got a complaint from a student in my class last week, so it was affecting the class. I told her that in fact it affects me since I have to rush to prepare and if not, I have a very challenging class as a result.
As I expected her to respond in the conversational manner, the next things happened. She started to run gathering her tools, kept saying, “I’ll leave by xyz from now on!” and kept running like a mad house. I was calling her name and even holding her arm to say that she didn’t have to rush out now. I was apologizing for offending her and making her mad. She kept saying, “I”m not mad,” and running like a mad house. Then, she stormed out of the studio. Anyway, there was more than that, but this gives you a pretty good picture.
Ended up, I didn’t have time to clear the energy of the studio, I had a hard time shaking her energy from my head during the class, but I carried my class till the end as positive and normal as possible.
When I ended the class, I was going to give this instructor a call and apologize. Before I attempted to do that, I was asked by one lady from my class what had happened as she witnessed that I was chasing the instructor and she was PISSED OFF. So, I explained to her the situation and I was telling her that I was thinking about calling. Then, this lady said, “you know?” then stopped saying anything. I continued her sentence instead. “You mean I should leave it as is?” She responded, “Yeah.” “I mean the last I saw, you were running after her down the stairs, the little one. That’s enough.” I was like, “You’re right. I did all I could do. I wasn’t rude. I was asking. I was asking a simple, reasonable claim. I tried to fix it and I can’t fix other’s feelings.”
What I realized then and afterwards while I was having lunch with my friend after the class was this. I claimed my space to others who were taking over my space, invading my space. I stood up and claimed to get my space back. The reactions others have on that, it’s not my problem; it’s their problem. I was trying to fix their emotions and reactions per my action and claim, and that can’t be done. I did my part for myself. The rest is up to others. It’s not my game.
As much as I hate conflicts and negative outcomes, I decided to leave as is and I was going to do my normal thing: meditate, ground the incident happened, and heal the communication space and situation with her and me.
When I went back to my car, I saw a voicemail. It was from her, the instructor. She was apologizing for her taking it personally, reacting badly and leaving. I called her back, we talked and ended the call with a good note as much as we could at that point. I was relieved that I didn’t have to carry this kind of matter every week as I do bump into this instructor every week.
Long story as usual, but what I wanted to share with you was this. Claiming your space, claiming your boundaries are very important action for you. It might not be easy, but it affects everything in your life including totally different areas. It is so because boundaries and claiming your space are about taking care of yourself, standing up for yourself, and owning your space. It’s communal in all areas of your life.
Also, the other important part is that other’s reaction to your actions and your will is not your problem. You can’t fix other’s problems including their feelings. You do your thing, others need to do their thing. Your job is to take care of you. Others need to take care of their matters as well.
I wanted to share this because I know many people are probably not good at claiming their own space and also try to fix other’s reactions if they ever speak up. You can’t do anything about other’s feeling. That’s theirs. That belongs to them. Whatever you do, whatever you say, it’s all up to others how they perceive it. Some might take it as neutral, some would react like a mad house, or some may blame themselves. Whatever they do, that’s their gig to take care of. You do yours for your sake. The end. Hope it makes sense to you guys.
With that, have a wonderful weekend! 🙂