I Cry When I Do Readings… sometimes

I didn’t get to write much for the last few weeks, so I’ll write today, too! Last week was HARD! I mean seriously hard. I ground myself so many times a day, so I don’t get ungrounded much nowadays. However, I was so ungrounded and left my wallet widely opened at a coffee shop counter, started driving when the signal was still red (thank god there was no cars or people crossing), energy after energy visited me every day and night, dealing with different beings (spirits, entities, whatever you want to call) after beings, etc. I momentally wondered if I could continue my spiritual work. Anywho, but it’s all passed. I did healings, participated in healing clinic as a healer, did readings, got healings from another healer and even from my teacher! So, I’m back to normal (?).

I’m an empath healer. That doesn’t mean I do empath healing any more. I’m a very strong empath and a healer I should say. When I didn’t know I was so sensitive and an empath, I thought I was an anxiety prone person. I thought I had a public speaking phobia. When I was in college, every time I stood in front of the class and giving a speech, I started to shake and sometimes get teary. Now I look back, I was probably sensing all the people in the class’ feelings. Some must have been nervous, some must have been fearful. I hated going in front of people because I thought I had a problem. Well, I do in a way, but it’s different than what I thought I had.

When I realized that I was an empath was not too long ago. I spent majority of my life not knowing it, so it was not easy. I was in the meeting and we were reading the book round tables. I noticed that my heart started to pump faster and felt somewhat agitated. So, I thought I was nervous about reading the book in front of people. Then, I realized that it only happens when this particular guy was reading the book. As long as the turn passed him, I felt normal. Then, I wondered if I might be feeling what this guy was feeling. Or rather, I might have been experiencing what this guy was experiencing: heart pumping faster, agitated, anxious, etc. That was the first awareness of myself as an empath.

Since then, my journey was quite easier because I knew what I was looking for. I needed to find some solution to cope with it. I needed to find more about myself. Luckily I met my teacher. I’m really fortunate because this teacher’s school teaches healings and clairvoyant classes in the whole system. She would not just teach healing. It starts from the every single tools you need in life because whatever healing or reading you do, I’m sure it works great. It’s the healers or readers who need to learn about themselves and learn about skills along with it. Anyway, nowadays, I don’t really look for any other place to fill in other techniques because I really believe I got what I need and I’ll get what I need.

When I started to take the clairvoyant class, I was in tears every time I did readings. Well, actually I was in tears even after graduating. For, like I said I’m a very strong empath, so I’m super sensitive. I sense people even without knowing that I would meet that person today. So, every time I did readings, no matter how bad or wrong they may appear in the physical form, I could hear, know, feel their spiritual intent and feelings. Often times, lots of toxic people have such overwhelming grief or pains, etc. Then, as soon as the readees ask about, let’s say their grandma or dad, mom, etc., I get bombarded by so much emotions and information from them. It’s much easier nowadays because I got lots of experiences.

Still, I cried during the reading this Saturday actually. The readee probably wasn’t crying because her surface was pretty stoic which is ok. As I say all the time, looks and surface are different from the actual inside. I won’t get into too much of the details about the reading I did because it was quite out there. However, the grief and sadness of the readee’s were so deep and strong. It was from hundreds of thousands of years, from so many life times including this life time. I’m a straight shooter, so I have no filter (according to my teacher). So, I spell things out and I was telling this readee that there was no way she could save her partner. The readee’s partner was very dark. It’s not depressed dark, but light and dark darkness and I didn’t see any light at all for this individual at this point.

Telling the readee about that wasn’t that hard because I read people with very neutral space. Though, telling her to forgive herself for not being able to and let go of wanting to save what she can’t save was rough because we probably were very similar in that way. She was an empath to the point that she probably wasn’t living her life. No matter how dark, how bad, how evil things can be, people can be, beings can be, entities can be, there is a huge grief in letting them sink. That’s the hardest part for me as an empath and I’m sure it was for her. So, I could feel her so strongly and I was vibrating the same way. So, I was tearing up. She asked if the tears were her “grief.” So, I said, “pretty much yes.”

I used to hate crying, but I careless nowadays. What is is what is. I have a big heart. Instead of trying to hold the tears, I just let it happen or else I can’t say what I’m reading. I’m ok with that. I don’t think I’ve seen other readers cry much, but lately I started to see the students get teared up. Crying is a great way to release energy whatever it is.

What it matters to me is how the readees or healees are after the readings or healings. They look glowing, lighter, certain, etc. Even though I’m the one who teared up and not the healees, still they release what I read and teared up for. Otherwise, I probably won’t sense that overwhelming energy from them.

I just thought of writing about this because some singer’s singing shakes my heart and vibration. So, I would say it’s a very different way but similar matter to my readings or healings. Anywho, it’s great if you get teary or emotions get aroused because it means your energy is brought to the surface! Anywho, have a wonderful week! 😀

The Energy Consumption and Deeply Seeded Programing

We all have our weakest patterns we fall into especially when the situation is very new to us or if the situation brings lots of fear and anxiety in us. I, of course, have my weakness and the patterns I fall into. Lately, I realized that I was falling into the pattern I tend to go, but this time, although I was dipping into my pattern, I realized what was going on soon enough. Hence, I can prevent the worst situation for myself in the long run. It’s funny how I could miss such an easy clue while my energy consumption was enormous. Being an energy healer and a spiritual healer, this can be easily recognized if it wasn’t my weakest part of myself. So, today, I’ll write about the energy consumption and deeply seeded programming and then how it helps us to recognize what’s going on in our life.

I’m not sure if the American old school teaches kids and adults that in order to bring what you desire, you have to work hard. Definitely, I grew up in that conditioning for sure. I tend to work hard for no matter what I do. I tend to go beyond what the normal people would go. In a way, there are some benefits to this trait, but sometimes, this is not necessary, right? For instance, who decided that you can’t get what you want unless you do this this and this? Who decided that you can’t bring abundance in all areas of your life unless you are a medical doctor or lawyer? I mean, if you believe that way, sure it shall be so. But, really, is it really so? Whose thoughts are they? Are they yours or are they what you learned somewhere in life?

Lately, I’m doing an extra work for my full time night job. It’s against my policy, but here is the deal. If I don’t do it, my energetic suffering with this work will be a long run. So, I decided that this is a temporary deal and I’ll make it happen since no one will. Being said that, working till 3am or 4am while I still have some normal activities in the morning makes it really hard. Human needs good sleep and rest. Besides, I’m no longer a pre-med who was studying with 3 hours of sleep everyday. However, I was ok with that because I knew this was a temporary deal.

When someone is this much exhaustion, it’s easy to miss the easiest queues. Along the line, someone who probably shouldn’t be even in my energy consumption came in. Since I’ve been in the mode of fixing all the project tasks and pushing through to get things done, I think I misinterpreted as this was part of my tasks. The funny thing is that I could see the differences in my energy consumption with other folks who are in the same condition. It’s not that I made an agreement to go beyond what I would normally do just for this specific individual. Since I do see things beyond the three dimensional realm, I was even getting the warning messages in the physical realm. The warning sign was that it’s been always the car who was driving in front of me was pulled over by police. It happened in a same day multiple times and more than just once, I’ve been asking what it meant. I could tell that it was a warning sign, but I couldn’t figure out what this was warning me about. Sure enough, it’s right in front of my eyes and I was missing out big time.

The fact is that when things are supposed to work, no matter how hard it may appear and it may feel, the energy consumption can’t be so great. The energy consumption and how hard it is and how horrible you feel are very different ball game. My energy consumption was so great that I completely lost my weekend this time. Well, but I’ll take it gracefully since I’m learning and I get to write my spiritual blog which I haven’t been able to write for a while.

Why did I fall into this? Well, I’ve been pushing my physical and mental limit for a while with this project tasks, so I was already tired. So, being tired is not a good condition to discern anything. Secondly, I probably was quite desperately wanting to get this tasks done so that our team can be out of the temporarily rough condition. So, I was in the hurry I guess. However, these are small reasons. The bigger, the sticker reasons behind of this is because I’m an extremely strong empath and I’m a generally kind and nice person (well, no matter how one may appear in times…). So, I tend to do the non-of-my-f-ing-business. I’m much better, but it’s my strong trait I would say. I would like others to be well. I would like others to be healed. So, it’s challenging when I see what would be good for the others, then how to think of what is the best for me or for my team. My discernment gets sluggish.

The biggest reason of all, though, is the deeply rooted societal conditioning I got through being born and raised in Japan. I grew up in the society where women support men. The thing is, it doesn’t sound bad if I say that. However, it is bad. Women support men and they don’t get credit for it. How about that? Men get all the credit for it. So, with my full time night job condition, as much as I’ve wanted to leave this environment so badly, I’ve been re-conditioning myself and teaching other males and females in the same conditioning to see it doesn’t have to be that way and it shouldn’t be that way. So, I almost made a boo boo for myself, but I saved myself before I get stuck in it for life.

What I want to say on this blog is this. I’m sure your conditioning is different from mine or anyone else’s. However, we all have our deeply seeded programming from our family, lineage, and society. So, bringing your awareness up and what those are for yourself help your life’s and soul’s journey greatly. Also, pay attention to your energy level and your energy consumption. It is energizing even after you did so much stuff? Or is it sucking up your energy and your will to live? The easiest way to check your energy consumption is if you feel light or heavy. Do you feel like you need some nap even though you are sleeping full hours? Do you feel like you are carrying the heavy chains around your ankles and body? You get the picture, right?

I won’t say that everything will be light and great when you’re aware because it’s just not that way. However, everything doesn’t have to be burdensome. Once you are aware, then you can work on it, right? You can work on what you can do about it. Highly likely, it might not be easy to change the course because you’re used to those patterns. But, it’ll help you greatly. Moreover, you’ll evolve.

Always have some amusement and hope you live lighter! 🙂

Difference between empath me and healer me

I spoke with my sister today via Skype. I have mixed feeling about technology, but I have to say that Skype is the greatest thing. Without it, our communication and relationship would be different I’m sure. That’s my side note thumbs up for Skype.

While talking with her, I realized that I say things what I sense and see from the healer and intuitive point of view. Empath me would be feeling what she feels and I would be sad, hurt, and in pain with her. That used to be me and I couldn’t say a thing even if it would help her after the pain was gone. It wasn’t an advice but it was more of telling what I see and what I know. That’s what I usually do when I do healing. However, when I start taking the pain of the others, I can’t be neutral and can’t say anything.

Interesting thing is that my sister (she is a big sister who is 12 years older than me) listens what I say and she is taking all without resistance. She is also willing to accept my healing nowadays. Our relationship has definitely changed a lot. Of course, I’ve been working on our relationship before I started to walk on my spiritual path, but the change is more significant and evolving since I started to do the spiritual work. I have to say it’s quite amazing. Healing is amazing!

Of course, my sister is amazing to do all the changes on herself, too. Ok, I’d better credit myself, too. Hurray for my willingness to change and my continuous work!

I think my empath is changing. At least, I now know when I’m doing the innate empath and when I’m not. Neutrality is the key. Certain things, certain situations, I just cannot be neutral. I won’t be able to work at an emergency room. I’m better than before, but I’m not really ok with physical injuries and pains. When the emotion is very strong, I sometimes slip to the empath me.

I used to think this was a curse, but my intuition was right. My intuition told me that learning the healing would help my emapth. It’s definitely a slow progress, but I’m seeing the light! 😀